Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Chapter 7

Chapter 7: The Nameless Method of Acquaintanceship

It was time for drastic action. The time was here. The time was now. Or then. Or, umm, never mind.
I will start off this chapter first by telling you of what kind of method of acquaintanceship this would be. I have not documented what methods I used that didn’t work, and I do not fully remember the method that did. In a nutshell, it basically was me being weird and making dumb jokes out of random statements to get the people to respond and tell us about themselves (Kind of like what a Youth Pastor will do). I had a reputation of weirdness now, but it worked! By the end of that free time, we were talking like we had been friends since birth. Except for Aaron. He didn’t say much at all, and I figured that was just the way he was. You know the type: quiet, doesn’t say much, seemingly shy, and too cool to talk because he was the only one with plaid shorts. He was my next project.
After the whole weirdness intro thing, I walked away from the carpetball tables with Rodney, saying, “Okay, I’m done being weird now.” Rod just laughed. We talked about different things but we stopped when Pastor Stevens approached us and asked, “Who’s up for a game of tetherball?” We agreed, but I was able to con Rodney into going first. I wasn’t scared of losing, I just………uh………. wanted ……….to…….uh……….scout out my, uh, competition before regulation. Everybody does it.
So I stood back and watched the skirmish between Rodney and Pastor Stevens. It happened as follows:
“Ready?”
SMACK!!
SLAP!!
“Whoa!!”
“haHA!!!”
WHOOSH!
“OWWWWWW!!!”
Pastor Stevens won. He was standing there, breathing heavily, a big grin spread across his face. Suddenly, he turned and yelled, “Rachel!”
Rachel turned around from the carpetball tables and called back, “Yeah?”
“Come over here!” Pastor Stevens called back.
“Yes, Sir,” she replied as she commenced walking over to us. She suddenly wished she hadn’t because Pastor Stevens apparently had the urge to completely annihilate his own daughter on the tetherball court. I won’t go into detail on how that went, except I will say that it was rather hilarious. Rachel is rather short, and Pastor Stevens is not.
Rodney and I walked away from this battle (or lack thereof) and started talking again. We stopped at the box hockey tables.
“Wanna play?” I asked.
He gave me a timid look and said, “Well, okay, but I’m not very good.” What a liar. I should probably point out that the term “liar” is not used here as an insult, but merely a statement meant to point out the ironic opposite truth that was at hand. It is ironically opposite because he put me through some of the most intense matches of box hockey I had ever played, and he beat me every time. After a few rounds, I noticed a small, miniature box hockey table, and I suggested playing on that, hoping that I could beat him on those. These games were worse than the first ones. He continued to kick my tail, all the while making me more and more determined to shatter his win streak. These games were games for the ages. Two teenagers whacking each other’s hands with small, plastic sticks trying to somehow knock a foam puck into a tiny hole in the wood. If you still don’t believe that they were intense and rough, let me shatter your suspicions by saying that I broke two of the sticks by smacking Rodney’s hand and using the handle to knock the puck into the goal. He still beat me every time. We were so engrossed in our battle, that we didn’t notice the whistle that sounded, letting all the children know that naptime was over. We continued to hit everything except the puck, and took no notice of anything else until,
“Hi, big brother, Whatcha doing?” That would be David.
I looked up and Rodney took that moment to knock the puck into my goal, the big sneak.
“Do you want some pop?” David asked me. I noticed that Rachel, Aaron, Shannon, Karis, and Rissa had also gathered round, watching our battle of broken sticks and shattered fingers. I never had realized the fans I had, and although I love to keep my fans happy, I didn’t have time to sign autographs.
“Uh, not right now, but thanks,” I told him. “I’m kind of engaged right now.” Then realizing the awkwardness of that statement, I tried to patch it up by saying, “Not to him,” and pointed at Rodney. That only made it worse, and all my fans laughed and made comments on how weird and random that was.
Kids at home, do not make awkward comments like that. Learn from my dummidity (and yes, that is a word) never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever 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It makes people think you’re weird, and you might offend someone. I didn’t, but you might. Please don’t. Okay, back to the story. I shall continue the account of that first afternoon in the next couple chapters and tell about the schedule, the different activities, and the event that immediately follows naptime: A very very crazy, insane, and mindless period of time that we at Swampy refer to as “Canteen”.

12 comments:

  1. comment 1: good usage of the word 'ever'.

    comment 2: I remember the engagement comment. I was extremely amused, and still am.

    comment 3: I'm good at tetherball. I have beaten my dad before. not often, but I have. and I'm fairly certain I have beaten you too. ha.

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  2. i would believe what she says James...about beating people at tetherball. I fell over unto the ground as a result of playing with Rachel in tetherball. partly my fault, but since we were BOTH engaged in the game, i find us equally at fault.

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  3. True, but I very specifically remeber Pastor Stevens whaling the tar out of the ball in this particular instance, and Rachel couldn't do anything about it.

    Plus, I beat rachel as a result of hitting just so it was out of her reach.

    Plus plus, Rissa must remember that she is about the same height as Rachel, thus making the competition more equal.

    Having said that, I'm wondering why we're all arguing about tetherball..........

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  4. simply because Rachel started it!!!! lol.

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  5. Is that what that game is called? I just thought it was the ball-on-the-string game :)

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  6. I am amused by the phrase 'whaling the tar out of'. like very, very amused. as in laughing my head off. and don't even ask why; I don't know. it just is.

    and another thing: height does not necessarily make a difference. I beat Junior all the time, and he's at least six inches taller than I am. answer me that.

    so ha. you just wish you had skills like me.

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  7. This coming from a girl I beat 3 times in a row. Don't deny it, it's true.

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  8. you better come up here and refresh my memory on how exactly it was that such an absurd notion could have actually happened. hmm. well at any rate I can still whonk you at carpetball, or whatever. *nyah nyah*

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  9. you beat her 3 times? that's IT?! do you even remember how many times a person plays that game on average, per DAY at Camp Swampy. its pathetic, really! and wether or not she could beat you more than the 3 times you supposedly beat her, i think she could totally "whonk" and start "whaling the tar out of" you at it any day. and something you must know... i could never have beaten her myself, only i had been injured a few months before, and Rachel with all of her awesomeness caused the injury to bite back while playing that game, making it an unfair fight. she's good. YOU admit THAT! HA!

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  10. Why in the world are we arguing about this?

    I only played tetherball like seven times the entire week. I was either at the paintball course or playing box hockey with Rod, or talking about random stuff with aaron, or whatever.

    Oh yeah, Rachel and I still have an undecided match we need to finish.........maybe we will before we die.

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  11. i was KIDDING, james. we're all kidding as far as i can tell, or being sarcastic. lots of sarcasm here. okay, i'm finished with this chapter. no more arguing. :)

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